Friday, Sept. 03, 2004
TGIF. Yep, it's Friday. Friday's have lost a bit of their luster now that I'm a SAHM but don't get me wrong, I feel SOOOOOOO very fortunate to able to stay home. But Friday's used to be the kickoff to the weekend - a time when I'd have plans all weekend to go shopping, meet friends for dinner, sleep in, stay up late, hit a movie and/or the bar for a drink and so on and so forth.Now I look forward to the weekend only to have my hubby home to hang with and also my mom (who's one of my best friends). I actually prefer weekdays because I have semi-routines and can stick to Dylan's nap schedule. I also prefer weekdays because when DJ gets up during the night, I have shows that I watch on TV and also ones during the day if I'm able to catch them. I know, there are those of you out there that when your baby wakes up, you sit and rock in the baby's room - enjoying the wonderment of motherhood. Well.......I prefer to rock in my living room and watch shows that are really quite stupid but make me shake my head and laugh.
O.k., so I'm feeling a little better today. Yesterday was pretty bad. I didn't feel that sick even when I was pregnant. Luckily in my pregnancy I really didn't have morning sickness (for a bit but not that bad). I felt pretty bad yesterday and started to worry that DJ did too, as he was a bit more fussy and tired. We both seem to be better today, thank goodness.
So, back to my thoughts on weightloss. Ugh, DJ's 5 mo. old and I'm still fighting to lose 35 more lbs. to get back to pre-p.g. weight. I struggle with hating myself and just hating the fact that I need to watch what I eat. It's just no fair that the things that taste good to me are BAD!!!! Why can't chips & cheese be good? And what about brownies with chocolate chunks in them? I KNOW I have to totally turn my thinking around, I did it before. I had lost around 65 lbs. and felt SOOOOO much better about myself afterwards.
Like an alcoholic, which is the only way I can compare it, I take it day by day. Hmmm, o.k., really more like hour by hour. Small victories are to be celebrated. I didn't eat much yesterday but I was sick. And THAT my friends is a PURE indicator of how sick I felt. Me, not eat? I mean, really. *lol*
So, today I had a bowl of bran flakes. I know, sounds disgusting but honestly, I love them. I put some Splenda on them and voila, sweetened flakes. Drinking water is sooo important and since DJ's been born, I've been soooo bad. While p.g. I drank tons of water but haven't since he's been born, which is a double whammy since I'm breastfeeding and need to stay hydrated.
Uh, you can see I'm just rambling here. *lol* No formed thoughts really other than I hate being fat. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror and worry that JD (a/k/a hubby) will look at me with disgust...... I do. I've done Weight Watchers and low-carb.....both of which worked but not for long. I know with myself, I need definite lines in which I can't cross. I need a drill sargeant telling me to quite b*tchin' and get my *ss in gear. Not my hubby, I'd probably kick his *ss if he said it. Poor guy, there's a fine line between being supportive and being pushy and insensitive about my weight issue. :-)
Alright, off to play with DJ before putting him down for a morning nap. It's the long holiday weekend and we do have plans each day. We are in the process of looking for a house because JD has a new job in a new city about 60 miles away and we are finally going to get settled into a house. I'm so excited but the process of looking at homes is so hard.
Until next time....